Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day in the life of a high seas pirate - running down the tall ships and plundering their booty, and living the life of a free man of the oceans, without a care, except I must have had a care or two in the past because I have a freakin' wooden leg and only one eye, and I keep getting this hook for a hand stuck in the keyboard of my computer - the Geek Squad dude calls me Black Beard the keyboard destroyer - such is the life of a pirate! Weather wasn't too promising early on but as the day progressed it became respectable, weather wise - for this part of the country and for this time of the year.
Started the day in all the old familiar ways - eyes open, copious amounts of liquid life (could be different things to different people, with me it is coffee, is this the longest run on words between parenthesis you have seen in awhile, me too), showered, do I really need to go through this step by step, I will you know, I will - work was busy but not as busy as yesterday, like you care, well I care - nice evening, a few errands and a trip to my favorite haunt, get it, Halloween tomorrow and today I went to my favorite haunt, clever boy - it's a book store by the way - I like all book stores but have my faves - do you read? - besides this I mean? - that's cool - not everything for everyone - a rule the world should recognize by the way - I am slowly adopting it - slowly.
The big news today was that the recession is over! The what is what? I thought it was just starting and now it is over? Let's ask the unemployed, uninsured, hungry and homeless if they are celebrating because the recession is over? Oh.
I will never go shopping with Big Larry again! He won $75 dollars on a scratch off ticket and wanted me to help him pick out a sweat shirt for winter, but in the mean time he wanted to try on every shirt in the store even though he had no intention of buying a shirt - and of course he wants to try on the shirts that come packed with cardboard and tissue paper and plastic and about 27 pins strategically placed all over - well, he forgot to take one pin out and it stuck him in the neck and by the time I hauled him out of the store he had threatened every clerk, shouted up and down the aisles about a pin conspiracy and had just about halfway written a law suit against the store for attempted murder by pin - I might go shopping with Big Larry someday, just not too soon.
Has anyone seen my car keys or my pipe wrench? They were here just a minute ago while I was making dinner. Oh. Time to go - Bye low Bye!

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day - Yes, today truly was just another day in the life of an ant in the giant anthill of life - dutifully fulfilling the tasks while not straying from the designated stream of co-worker ants as we all mindlessly go about our designated duties - starting to fade on the duty and task thought here - fading, fading... Still, all in all it was a pretty good day - Just another Day!
Creeping up on Halloween this year known as the year before 2010 - a little math there - started the day with a bright white porcelain chalice filled with the nectar of life - or as they would say in the olden days 'cup of coffee' - hell, who am I kidding, I drank half a pot before most people drink a quarter of a pot - that didn't really sound too impressive - I drank a 55 gallon drum of coffee just to get out of bed - so there - what do you think of me now? So harsh people - a guy has feelings you know! Good day at work - nothing notable happening - which could be good - or could be bad - now I am worried, which is it? Good? Bad? Are you following me? If you are please tell the guy in the third row that I like his jacket - sorry, old joke - didn't say it was a good joke, I just said it was an old joke. There you go with the harshness again.
There was no news today - I turned on the news channel and the newscasters took the day off because there was no news to report - what is old news? Wouldn't it just be olds - news is new stuff - olds is old stuff - I should write someone about that.
Big Larry has called me three times to talk about something that is really bothering him - he has seen a news report about an NFL quarterback eating a hot dog on the sideline during a game - evidently as a player they are not suppose to eat on the sideline and this quarterback was reprimanded for sneaking a hot dog while the game was in progress - now Big Larry is all upset and thinks this quarterback has every right in the world to eat a hot dog anytime and anywhere he wants - Big Larry was citing passages out of the US Constitution about hot dog rights, citizenship and freedom of religion - the best day in Big Larry's life (next to the trip to Las Vegas and about a hundred other days) was the day they put the pump cheese next to the roller dogs at the Stage Stop - anyway Big Larry said he is not going to let this go - Big Larry does like a good hot dog.
So, I turned to the man and I said... Bye if not Bye!

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day - Yes, Just another Day of life, love and laughs - after all, the purpose of our existence is to enjoy every moment to it's fullest - help your neighbor, smile at strangers and be the best you can be - and all the while maintaining a balance of family, job and community - whoa, whoa, whoa - fingers and mind are not working in unison here - not a big surprise but one or the other went a little crazy for a second or two - keep that in mind - be the best you can be? - might be a touch of food poisoning causing that line of thought.
One thing that sticks out about today is that the weather was perfect for the end of October - sun shining bright and temp just right - good day to rake leaves and then sit on patio with a good cup of coffee - by the way, started the day with a masterpiece of a carafe of the Lord's liquid elixir - you chose your own Lord and I will chose mine - my Lord drinks good coffee and lots of it - bless you Lord - oh seriously - chill people, chill.
I have a question for all you IT experts - guess I will start from the beginning - I was looking for a new computer and just so happens a guy came to the door selling computers out of the back of his Kia Rio - he said he was with Good Buy, an affiliate of Best Buy, their door to door arm of the company - I was a little skeptical at first but he said he had HP computers and I do enjoy their steak sauce so I listened - a brand new used refurbished lap top (with new duct tape at no extra charge) - for $199 I bought a computer but had to make the check out to the salesman, for warranty reasons I think - anyway, it seems when I access the Internet with this new machine I am constantly automatically logged on to porn sites - now here is my question - how come my old computer didn't do that? Chill people, chill!
Oh boy, Big Larry spent two hours today figuring out his fantasy football team and standings - calculating yardage and points and percentages for a make believe team - this from a guy that can't put together a resume' or is not allowed in a bank or probably doesn't know how to spell fantasy - priorities for the modern man!
This was not a very good showing so I am quitting while barely hanging on by a thread - not sure what that means but really need to quit - Bye oh Bye!

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day in the life of a cowboy - silver spurs and six shooters - ridin' the range and roundin' up the strays - if you know me that is funny stuff - creeping toward the end of October in this the year 2009 - weather pretty typical for this time of year - oh, this scramble is weak, weak, weak - better step up my game and bring my nasty stuff - calm now people, that is just a figure of speech - I don't have any nasty stuff or know any nasty stuff and wouldn't know nasty stuff if it was stuck to the bottom of my shoe, or bottom of my Adidas slides, which I prefer to wear, with white cotton socks this time of year - not trying to be funny - just telling it like it is - which can be funny sometimes.
I think I have expressed this before but the troubles in life can put into perspective if you spend a few hours once in awhile watching children's cartoons - I prefer Sponge Bob Square Pants - don't analyze it too much - just enjoy the relationships and naivety of the characters - if a bill collector calls while you are watching Sponge Bob ask them which character is their favorite - let them know that you are recording the call and that Gary is your favorite character - most bill collectors like Patrick - must be a personality thing - Sponge Bob is a children's cartoon right? Man, gotta get past that dream thing - do you ever get that dream thing - you start believing dreams are real and reality is a dream? - I think it is normal for most people - that's what I think.
Started the day with a couple of my favorite people and a large infusion of 'bucks. I intentionally leave off the Star because I am trying to be hip and in and I noticed cool people talk like that. I was actually pretty cool today, if you mean just a heartbeat or two above a coma - lazy day, lazy day - some college football, good book, my piddow and blanky - did stir enough later to have dinner and attend some local theatre so the day wasn't a total wanker - a wanker isn't like a cold sore is it because that isn't what I meant.
Do you remember that old cartoon Underdog? No reason, just asking - what kind of dog was he? Did people neuter their dog back then? No reason, just asking.
Ok, I get the hint - you don't need to be so rude - you are not exactly subtle you know - just don't repeat that to someone of authority - Bye or Bye!

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day in the life of a famous author, moving on from this rambling mess and now working on a wordsmith masterpiece, a novel for the ages, an Oprah recommended best seller - just goshing ya - got a little excited there for just a second or so! So many people would be disappointed if I quit this rambling mess, so many - but it was just another day! Did anyone notice the weather? Beautiful day in paradise, aka this place we live - you call this living? Sometimes I feel like I am talking to myself here - and then I answer myself - talk a little more - answer a little more - you get the point.
What did you do today? Me either! Started the day very well - ingested just the right combination of water strained through ground up coffee beans - yes, lubba the java - I think that is a Star Wars character - maybe not - day went by well - work, work, work - nice evening of a little sports on the TV - a little treadmill time and a nice visit with some people we all know and love - well, not everyone knows them, but if you did you would love them!
The father that wants to see the DC sniper's execution accepted a deal from a TV show to do some interviews in exchange for the airfare and hotel. I suggest a few thousand of us chip in a
buck or two to get him there and avoid the freakin' circus that the TV show will turn it into! Here is my $2!
Someone asked me if Hambone and Big Larry were brothers. I don't think so, but I am not sure either one would admit it if they were, would you? Just so you know, Big Larry is Caucasian - just so you know. Maybe he is a Shriner - no I think Caucasian.
What did the steam engine say to the gasoline engine? Oh... can't remember - that is not what the steam engine said, I just can't remember - it was good though, it was.
I must be done - Bye yo Bye!

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day in the life of an international man of mystery and intrigue - jetting around the world fighting the evil that sours the civility of our civilness - sorry, went just one or two words too many there and flamed out - Just another Day! But a very nice day it was in our highly metropolitan garden we like to call home - note to self, look up the word 'metropolitan' , might be using it in the wrong context - three guesses as to the month we are in and only two guesses for the year - I got them both on the second guess - so much to remember - so much!
Started the day like so many days start - woke up - nice way to begin - seemed to require a wee bit more 'bucks this morning to get the spring wound, if you know what I mean? - but once the engine starts I am off and purring like a kitten for a good thirty, sometimes thirty-five minutes before I begin to question Mother Nature and doubt the skin I was born in - oh, don't look at me like I am crazy - are you looking at me? Ok. Good day for the most part - a lot of phone work - a lot of paper work - a fair amount of computer work - that's what I do, mix it all together and they call it a job - as I always say ' No one yelled at me today, so it had to be a good day!' - I always say that you know.
Heard an interesting concept today - that we should consider health care along the same lines as elementary and high school education - as an essential part of our society - something to think about.
I keep hearing about the balloon boy and his family - I think they accomplished what they wanted - a little bit of notoriety and TV time - let's hear more - can't be any worse than the people with eight kids - oh, I am jabbing myself in the leg with a sharp instrument - can't believe I am even mentioning reality TV - anyway.
Big Larry called tonight but I was out - he left a message on the machine - it was a 15 second burp and another 15 seconds of laughing at his own burp and then he said "Guess he's not home!"
And the man rounded for home but was held at third base as the ball was rocketed from center field to the catcher - that's all I got boys, all I got - Bye when Bye!

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day - what am I saying? It was a great day in the greatest corner of America because you know America is square and we are in the corner down by the bottom - or is it the side - get those shapes confused - and never did understand the foot and meter thing anyway - just a matter of time anyway until our whole system of government is metric - we will be working for pesos and Euros, you watch - that is what happens when your country has corners - it was a nice day though! Yes, still October of the year 2000 plus nine - see how I did that? Ok ok ok...
Started the day in a fair part of the country, with some pine trees and mountains - lovingly referred to as the cabin by the lake - lovingly because we all love being there just don't get there often enough - the day was a little rough though because I was roughing it by drinking a popular store brand of already ground coffee - miss my beans - but I lived to tell the tale and am a better person for the experience - like they always say "If it didn't kill you, it will make you smarter!" or maybe it's "stronger", maybe it is "smarter" - because as you can tell I am smarter - and who are "they?" - I think it is a committee of really smart people that sit around and say things, because I hear it all the time "like they always say!" - well, not all the time, but you know what I mean - right?
Did you hear the big news story today? The family that sent their kid into space in a helium balloon did it for publicity! Or was it that they sent up the balloon and thought the kid was in it? How did the story go? Anyway, I guess it was a stunt. Wasn't it? It was headline news.
Hambone is offended by the term 'swine flu' - he says it has nothing to do with swine and prefers the H1N1 flu designation - Hambone is a sensitive person - very protective of family and friends - if you see Hambone give him a hug - unless you have a cough or flu like symptoms then just wave - H1N1 you know!
Ok, does anyone have any questions? Please join me again this week for our in depth discussion of this blog - usual place and time - e-mail for driving directions -always a good time, good, good time - see you there! Bye for bye!

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day in the life of a Russian Czar - starting revolutions, ordering the takeover of neighboring countries, generally creating havoc but yet living a sophisticated and gentile lifestyle suited for one with impeccable tastes and superior breeding - just guessing about the Czar thing - used to live next to a Czar - or maybe he was from Poland - notice how I used some crazy words there? - groovy - Czar and groovy - wonder if anyone referred to the Czar as groovy? Groovy Czar - kind of just rolls off the tongue - anyway.
Started this day in October with the usual mind bending amount of highly caffeine charged go juice - naw, not going to use the term 'go juice' - sounds weird - I prefer 'amber loveliness' - conveys my appreciation for the stuff - would it be amber or some other color? I am about half or three quarters color stupid anyway - not color blind - although sometimes orange and pink are hard to tell apart - just not up on my colors - good with basics, blue, red, white, etc. - perhaps due to age of color crayons only coming in packs of sixteen - now crayons come in packs the size of a small vehicle and contain some funky color names that seem almost made up - 'Death Red', 'Summer Sunburn', 'Rotten Fish' - although I guess a color could be expressed as rotten fish seems more of a smell - like I said started the day as usual but I am writing this in the morning and not at my usual time - is the brain fresher in the morning? are thoughts different at 8:00 am than at 11:00pm? something to think about - groovy czar!
So - because I am writing this early in the day I have not heard any news - anyone have any idea what is going on this morning - my lights and heat are on, the water is flowing but beyond that I am not sure of any life beyond this room - must look outside soon - seems the top story this week was some family that sends their kids up in helium balloons for publicity, I am cool with that - no one was hurt - gave us something to shake our heads about - groovy czar.
Big Larry said he went up in a balloon once - didn't like the feeling though - said he will stick with skunk weed and Oly - not sure what that means - maybe one day he will explain - maybe.
Well, seems I have run out of cute and interesting things to ponder groovy czar - groovy - czar - should czar be capitalized? Depends on the context I suppose - breaker, breaker what is your context? Bye but Bye!

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day!!! Yes, even though it was a very nice Sunday lodged somewhere in the month of October in the grand and glorious year of 2009 and we are living in the greatest spot in the greatest country on God's green earth - still some discussion about the whole creation / evolution thing... won't get into that today though - anyway, it was Just another Day!!! Nice weather though, a little cool but the sun was nice! Positive, stay positive young man! Lots of exclamation points today!!! Feeling it, feeling it ... Yes!!!
As stated earlier and often, the day is always just a bit brighter with a generous dosing of caffeine to start your day - the exact quote is " coffee is good" but I have expanded on the quote - why? Oh my gosh, please do not ask why? I have no reason other than it takes up space on this sheet and after all I am paid by the word don't you know - I could write the same two words over and over and because no one actually ever reads this stuff, I would still get paid for the word count - nobody checks to see if it is an intelligent set of words - good thing - I just get the check each week for the same amount as long as the word count is there - don't look so stunned - it is a great world we live in, you and me. And the I awoke from the dream!!! Exclamation point!!!
Black taco? not touching that one - nooooo way!!!
What are you looking at? Did anyone watch the news today? If so would you let me know what is going on in the world please - my TV doesn't seem to go to any channels but those with football and this time of year baseball playoffs - I think it might be broken but I am not going to have it fixed until after the Super Bowl - same with the newspaper, how do you break the newspaper so you don't get news - I think they found a way!!! Exclamation point!!!
Hambone says he used to be able to throw a mean breaking ball and a slider until his arm realized it was attached to the rest of his body - not sure of the meaning but no more amyl nitrate for Hambone on a Sunday morning - good idea!!!
All for now and all for one - or something like that!!! Exclamation point!!! Bye and Bye!!!

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day in the life of the world's greatest one armed, three fingered, most of a left thigh and no right butt cheek lion tamer! Don't believe everything you read here - just warning you up front - this lion tamer still has a right butt cheek. And this lion tamer loves his little Tinkerbell with the shark teeth and gills! I also love Lightning McQueen - fast, cars! A pretty wonderful day as far as the weather goes for this part of the land and in this time of the year - sorry got a little turned around on the weather, time thing. What?
Started the day just like most of the 52 times 365 days that I have started days - leap years and days that weren't started might cut down on that count a little but that is a ballpark figure anyway - so in the ballpark or ballpark figure, close to the ballpark? something like that - I guess early on I didn't have the need for so much caffeine to pry the peepers open and get the ticker ticking - such lost time without the java - just think how much more productive I could have been if I had discovered the rich full taste of a great cup of brewed coffee before I learned of waking and baking - the possibilities are mind boggling or boggling mind - good day at the office - no one got married at our office - good!
"I wrote a book, it was a long and lengthy thing, several hundred pages, but I only used two words, two bad words, I used those two words in different sequences and rhythms, spaced them differently, the same two words, two bad words for hundreds of pages, the critics thought it was brilliant, creative and inventive, it sold thousands upon thousands of copies, it was a public success, a book with only two words, two bad words, repeated over and over and over, I made the tour stops and book signings, talk shows and awards, I was the next big thing, the greatest ever, I became rich and famous, I wrote a book, with only two words, two bad words."
Big Larry must be hiding from me again. Whenever I ask about his sore back he clams up and won't talk to me for a week or so.
Not talking about any news! So I guess it will be the end of rambling today for this ramblin' man - not very creative there Ramblin' Dude - Bye and Bye!

Ramblings of an American Madman: Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman: Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day in the city we call the windy city - not sure who 'we' is and really I have never heard anyone call this the windy city - so nevermind - we will keep it to 'Just another Day' - I like that - this the first week in October - yes close to a very special day in the history of the world - some 50 plus years ago a madman was brought into this world - you guessed it - Big Larry - a big happy b-day to Big Larry - you so funny - funny man!
Started the day as usual - cold mornings are like drugs - not sure how or why they are like drugs - maybe they are like cotton fluffy ear muffs - yes, cold mornings are like cotton fluffy ear muffs that are on drugs - ok, now I have it - quickly downed a whole cup of luke warm Starbucks Anniversary Edition blend - can I endorse a coffee chain on here? Well, maybe not - anyway if you drink the first cup fast and the second cup faster it will give you a rush to help you through the morning routine - next thing you know I am driving to work - forgot my one shoe and was late for work - tomorrow just one cup real quick - tone down the caffeine blindness - not too much going on at work to speak of - steady but not crazy -steady is good when you race cars for a living - which I don't - just saying. After work had a dentist appointment for a cleaning - that whole process is interesting - scraping gunk off of people's teeth all day long - takes a special person - don't really see any older people doing that - must be a burn out factor - like race car drivers.
Someone asked where I received the inspiration for my writing? Sorry, didn't understand the question. I heard inspiration and writing coming to me in a voice but don't comprehend either foreign term. Maybe if you read this dribble you wouldn't ask such questions.
Kind of lost track of Hambone for the past few weeks - has anyone seen him? Kind of worry about him with the cold weather - two years ago he got a chill and hasn't warmed up since - always talks of moving someplace warm, like Arizona - guess I already told you that though! I do tend to repeat myself - like a race car driver.
Well I am running out of inspiration for today - guess I should look up the word 'inspiration' - maybe I can buy a gram or two - bye and bye!

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day in the City of Roses or Rose City? which is it? That's right - the reason you haven't seen me on here for a couple of days is not because I am bone ass lazy, well not totally the reason - no comments from my friends at the Stage Stop please - Yes, I am in Portland doing some very important research for some very important work stuff that is very important you know - I feel very comfortable in Portland - I feel good being here - the weather was a little suspect at first but turned out to be lovely - I want to move into a little corner of Powell's Book Store and spend a couple of years just reading - just reading and letting my mind ferment a great deal - look up the phrase 'ferment a great deal'.
Started each of the last two days with a lovely little breakfast but not too early - I believe that you should sleep until you wake up - not be rudely shaken from slumber by artificial means - damn you alarm clock, damn you - some coffee before and after a nice shower - I have tried the coffee while showering and that is a little over rated but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do - I think Lincoln said that - he never drank coffee in the shower though - what the hell do I know what Lincoln did or did not do - anyways - breakfast should not be too early - bacon, eggs, sausage, hash browns, oatmeal, fruit, juice and coffee don't sit well too early in the morning - that kind of breakfast should be saved for around 10:00am ish - nothing sounds too good at 6:00am -
and coffee is the only thing that should be taken that early - a little drive today to see the biggest body of water in the world - you know they now charge you 50 cents to see it - just like the worlds biggest pig or the worlds smallest horse - great day, great day, yes!
"JoJo was a gambling man, he gambled his life away, he bet his friend he could eat a horse and died the very next day."
Big Larry called today to tell me that the Olympics are going to be held in Brazil in the future but he didn't think people in Brazil could speak English so he wasn't sure how that was going to work. Big Larry doesn't really speak English and he doesn't work so I guess he would know about such things, I guess.
Fear not, my much loved ramblings are back - and front - but now I must say farewell, well type farewell - farewell - Bye!