Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day - just another day in the life of a psychologist - the patients today ranged from a housewife who is feeling a bit down because the carpet in her third floor family room seems to have faded from the constant exposure of natural light through the floor to ceiling windows, we discussed how it made her feel and what the effect would be if maybe the windows were curtained for a part of the day - to a patient who periodically writes entries into a blog that has become smashingly popular and the fame and glory have changed him into someone his friends do not recognize anymore, he wants to discuss how to tell his friends to "suck it" because he likes the fame and fortune - psychiatrist or psychologist? which one can prescribe a nice after dinner pharmaceutical? anyway.

Another lovely day in the land known as "world's most conservative state" - seem to be having that discussion with several people lately - not too bad for weather here though - maybe nature is rewarding the conservative populace with mildness - keep that in mind next time a part of the country has a blinding blizzard or raging flood, check their politics - started the day as usual, life in the fast lane, wake and work, this rock star life style will soon wear on a soul - enjoyable evening with favorite group - today is a special persons birthday - not special Olympics type of special but special because he is a great person and treats his uncle well - you know who you are - what up Cincinnati? - readers love me in Cincinnati - speaking of reading - in my newest issue of Psychology Today ($5.95 newsstand price but I get 10 issues a year for just $18, a savings of ...) there is a case of a guy, we will call him dude, that was obsessed with surgically removing parts of his body, he couldn't find a surgeon to do the procedures (an insurance issue I am sure) so he started hacking off body parts himself - didn't plan it too well though, once he had cut both his arms off he couldn't hold the instruments to cut other parts of his body off - wait a minute - I need to re-read that story.

Speaking of insurance, Big Larry is mad as hell about the Health Care law that was just signed - he thinks it will drive up his taxes and force him to buy insurance he doesn't want - no government is going to mandate or force something on him - ok Big Larry, please tell me the last time you even paid any kind of tax besides sales tax on beer and cigarettes - and as for insurance, you don't even insure that old pickup you drive, let alone have legitimate plates or registration - I am pretty sure this Health Care plan is not really going to have a big impact on your freedoms - remember that next time you step on a nail and need to go to the emergency room but can't pay for it and give them a false name - and I think they are getting wise to the alias 'Mike Hunt".

The flower was strickingly out of place. Such an elegant and exotic flower growing just above eye level in the century old fir tree. It raised so many questions of how and why, yet the contrast of color and tree bark was almost enough of an answer. So different yet still growing in each others presence, perhaps a lesson for the beholders. The old fir tree was strickingly out of place.

If I told you once, I told you twice... Bye deep Bye!

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day - just another day in the life of the guy who cleans the Blarney Stone each evening after closing time - each day about a thousand people kiss the Blarney Stone and it must be cleaned to keep it fresh for the next batch of tourists to come along and kiss it - to kiss the Blarney Stone means you will attain the gift of Blarney - a gift of talking I guess, or as we Americans would say "a gift of BS" - oh, just noticed, BS could stand for B--l S--t or Blarney Stone, a coincidence? Anyway.

Started the day with a stiff Irish coffee - notice the theme today - St. Patrick's Day! - a day to celebrate all that is Irish - actually didn't St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland or something - good a reason as any to have a celebration - drink green beer, eat corned beef and cabbage, wear a funny green hat, oh the Irish are a fun bunch - what is with the leprechauns though? - is anyone else kind of creeped out by them - yellow moons, green clovers, pink hearts - or is that a cereal? oh, Lucky Charms - keep getting that and the rabbit cereal mixed up - Trix are for kids? Wow!

Not too much going on in the world right now - at least as far as I can see from where I am standing - seems the lawmakers are in full throttle now - is it too much to ask them just to take care of maintenance items and then go home? - but no, there are some funny new laws coming up that I am not sure how we ever survived without them - life as we know it will grind into anarchy if this particular new law is not acted upon right now - are they just trying to justify being there - is this little law representative of what the people in their district elected them for or is it some outside interest pushing the agenda? Oh, what the hell - the session will be over soon and I can go back to wearing jeans on Friday.

Hambone is a little upset that he didn't receive a census form - we tried to tell him that the forms were sent to a residence - house, apartment or mobile home - someplace with an actual mailing address - Hambone has been avoiding a mailing address for years and is now upset because he is afraid he won't be counted in the census - we suggested that maybe his sister-in-law will count him on her form as he does stay in her tool shed from time to time - I am not really sure she is his sister-in-law but that is what he calls her and he admits that relationships are a bit fuzzy these days - anyway, the tool shed is dry and an air mattress with five sleeping bags works - the census form calls for names and birth dates, Hambone will have to make some calls.

Nothing like driving on a long road trip with six Led Zeppelin CD's for your listening pleasure - maybe throw in a Rage Against the Machine album just to stir it up - oh, and you must have a Kid Rock album to show you are diverse - Led Zeppelin for sure though!

The castle just outside of Dublin had not been lived in for over 100 years yet stood mostly intact with only a few minor defects - try to find a building in your area 100 years old - Bye Irish Bye!

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day - just another day in the life of a guy writing a blog while sitting on his bed - laptop planted firmly on the cushioned little lap pad thingy - humidifier going in the background - only a bedside lamp to illuminate the space - only the dim bulb of my mind to illuminate the imagination - Yes, folks, this is how I make my living - writing a periodic blog filled with chunky chewy goodness for the masses to snack on - I get paid by the quantity of words and not the value or meaning - hush my critic hush - don't be jealous of my riches and fame - and so goes a day in the life of a guy writing a blog. Anyway.

How did your day start? Mine started as any number of days start - floating on a smoke filled haze of dreaminess and trying to quickly chase it away with volumes of caffeinated liquid - one last taste of the bitter loveliness before exploding on to the scene - not a bad day - I am not sure I want to have "not bad days" - how about good days or great days - need more of those - anyway, made it through the day - such is the life of a working man - home, a little dinner and relaxing, reading, good book now about an Irishman that comes to the US in the 1980's - I may have asked this before but does anyone know of a good artist to design a tattoo - email me!

I did happen to catch a little news today - sorry, no fancy introductions or banners exclaiming breaking news - I guess there is something happening in China - wish I could remember what it was - saw a bunch of Chinese standing around a panda bear - maybe that was a blooper show that was on - seemed like a news show - hell, who am I kidding, I watched about ten minutes of a college basketball game - no damn news - the guys in the light blue uniforms were ahead last I saw.

Oh,Oh,Oh - the race for governor is heating up - I think there are about four serious candidates now - love the political races - heck, I am seriously thinking of running for President of the United States - how do you go about getting started with something like that? - I have no illusions of actually winning but think it would be cool to be a Presidential candidate - I have mentioned it before - maybe I could debate some of the other candidates - my only remark throughout the debate would be "I am a servant to the people, the people must guide the servant!" - at least I would have a few minutes in the spotlight - aren't you glad to know me?

Hambone has this new habit of saying 'WTF?' during a conversation. I had to ask him if he knew what 'WTF?' stood for and of course he didn't - he read it in a reply to an email he had sent a new friend he met online - seems his new friend is a 47 year old guy using the name 'SadMary' in a chat room and I guess Hambone didn't know it was a guy - anyway, Hambone made some suggestions as to how he could make 'SadMary' happy and that is where he first saw 'WTF?' in a reply - 'SadMary' still writes to Hambone on occasion - strange world we live in.

I was thinking about this today - has there ever been a home built in which a nail went unbent? - something to ponder - yes, ponder - Bye spot Bye!

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day - just another day in the life of a foreign entertainer in a strange land - the entertainment being magic and the strange land being any place not of my homeland - not just any magic either - this magic is the most obvious of the secret arts - almost to the point of comedy but deadly serious - especially when the whole dove in the lining of my tuxedo trick goes wrong - for good reason you shouldn't feed doves the same food you eat - cheap chili out of a can turns a dove into a fire hose of nastiness - and inside your coat in front of an audience is a freaking nightmare - good laughs though - shot the tuxedo all to hell - the dry cleaner told me to leave, now! Anyway!

Started the day as usual - swilling the coffee until first one eye opens and then the other - rockin' an Italian Roast now - not too bad, thanks Tyler - wasn't sure I would fancy the Italian but what the hell I'll give it a go - Day proceeded at a lovely but not too hasty pace - time of turmoil and upheaval for some employed but must be thankful for a position of earning - keep telling myself that - sometimes find the routine, in the words of a favorite cartoon character "soul crushing" but I guess it beats not eating - not a funny. Lovely evening passed by finishing a book I have been grinding through for some time - love the historic biography, especially when it includes detail of old England and London - I think I was born in the wrong country, maybe I was meant to be English or English Canadian, ha ha ha or English Idahoan, more likely that - what is wrong? did I offend? take a breath Bart, count to ten and then recite the ABC's - OK, relax, relax.

This just in from News Central, High atop the media center in downtown metropolis - you would think after an intro like that I would have some breaking news of great importance - actually I kind of forgot to watch or listen to any news - please let me know if anything important happened in the world today - And This Has Been An Update From Your News Eye In the Sky!

Big Larry is somewhat upset - he has been watching some food shows and got a great idea to put beer and whole tomatoes in a blender to make red beer - but the blender didn't have all the parts and leaked beer almost as fast as Big Larry poured it in - and Big Larry hates to waste beer - he also didn't want to buy tomatoes so he used packets of ketchup he pocketed from the Stage Stop - must have been quite a sight to see Big Larry blending beer and ketchup in his yard sale blender then sucking up the puddles of red beer from the camper floor and counter top - he wasn't so upset that he had to drink beer off the floor, he has done that before, but that he spent 75 cents on the blender only to find out it leaked - but in the end Big Larry figures this is how the great TV chefs got their start - probably, probably.

The face shouldn't have been there - not that it couldn't be, but it shouldn't have - what would the story be? Why now? Happy, confused, time passed, life happened. Too many questions, confusion, joy, uncertainty. What could the story be? The face shouldn't have been there.

Did you find your way home or did you stray into life? Bye gambler Bye!