Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day - just another day in the life of the guy that shreds the cabbage for your cole slaw, yes all of those $1.29 bags of pre-shredded cabbage in your grocers bagged salad selection, that is my occupation - you may think there are big companies behind all of that cabbage shredding, but no just me - don't get me wrong I have a hand crank shredder to speed up the process, not like I am sitting at the kitchen table with a knife shredding all that cabbage, five years ago maybe but now I have the German made Cabbage Shredder 7000, precisely shreds in 3 different sizes depending on the region and use (the south likes a finer cole slaw) - and now I even add in some carrots if that is how you roll with the slaw - Yes, I am the sole slaw shredder for the U.S. and central Canadian markets - you are right that I must be busy - 8 hours a day 5 days a week, shred shred shred - Thank God for the union or I would be working 8.25 or 8.5 hours a day, the people demand their slaw - and so it goes...

The day is starting out well - a bit early I agree but genius knows no hour, madness knows no hour or someone without a clock knows no hour - pick one - coffee is just as entertaining at 3:00am as it is at 7:00am - I expect there will be major nappage later today - is nappage a word? a pot of coffee in the middle of the night is bound to bring on a big crash sometime say mid-morning - count on it - even though today's java selection is a milder blend I make up for it by increasing the intake to compensate for the boldness - see, genius might be your pick - what do most people do at this time of day? what time does 'bucks open?

Most watched event in the history of television this week (no not the episode of American Pickers where they find the old oil can, reported to be worth $20) the Royal Wedding between the royal people and some other royal people or something, quite exciting because one of them might be the King of England some day, I vote for the guy to be the king, I think my vote counts - but seriously at least it was a good positive event involving romance instead of death and destruction - also everyone's favorite sport had its college draft start this week - Yes, American Football - must clarify that for my readers in 98% of the rest of the world that call the game of soccer "football", big court hearings and lockouts and such over what it is called, soccer or football, at least that is what I think the fuss is about, might be about greed - finally the world can take a huge collective breath and relax because our president dude produced a valid birth certificate, people were starting to freak but have you ever tried to get a copy of your birth certificate? takes years!

Tried to get ahold of Big Larry this week but not sure he gets half the messages I leave with the clerk at the Stage Stop - partly because she forgets to give it to him and partly because he doesn't show up sometimes for days - he might be in Nevada again, seems I remember something about a letter he received saying someone found one of his shoes he left down there - he does like his white Adidas high tops and you need two shoes to make a pair, right? Hambone wears rubber boots most of the time, remind me to get him some Gold Bond Extra Medicated.

It was the biggest thing to happen in town that day, seven birds walking in a row down Main Street. In a perfect row just walking right down the middle of Main Street. Cars pulled to the side, people stopped their busy day to watch, children smiled at the seven birds walking right down the middle of Main Street. It was the biggest thing to happen in town that day.

And when all of the coins are collected there will be no more coins - Bye foop Bye!!!

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day - just another day in the life of a zookeeper, not just any zoo but the new concept zoo called the Ark - seems to have some reference to a biblical fantasy of collecting animals two by two and sailing around the world in this big oldie time yacht - wait a minute, that is what Noah said we are going to do with this new concept zoo and why I am to figure out how to keep the hyenas from eating the damn chickens - and what about some animal we are to collect called a lorax? I googled a lorax but all I got was a list of porn sites and some Lord of the Rings picture - Lorax kind of sounds like some fantasy animal - unicorn - maybe the unicorn missed the first Ark - maybe?
How is everyone today? Rhetorical of course, not sure why I ask, you can't reply and I really just ask as some kind of social courtesy - yes, that is me, Mr. Social Courtesy - not to be confused with my alter ego, Mr. Social Disease, which is only just a few degrees difference from the courtesy thing but the ointment has a decidedly medicine odor - Oh, today might be some obscure celebration of another biblical tale, something to do with rabbits and golden eggs, or a crucifix and fake green grass, or a 50% off sale at Macy's, pretty good deal, bath towels were regular $12.99 now on sale for $9.99, don't worry about trying to figure the math thing, just believe, just believe.
Starting today with a grand new coffee blend - smooth and very delicious - the seventh cup is just as good as the first and I am sure the twitch in my eyelid will go away soon - trying to decide if there is anything news worthy t report on - Middle East is in turmoil, economy sucks, clown parade has started for the presidential thing, weather still killing people, Geez, a regular happy-fest of news - oh, well, I did receive some new ink this past week and that should make everyone happy, right? Anyone following sports right now? Washington Capitols are doing well in the playoffs. When does football start?
Had a nice lunch with Big Larry and Hambone recently - it has been awhile since the three of us have been able to get together for lunch - everyone has a busy schedule, like Big Larry trying to avoid mail and work - seems he had a problem with his camper also, has to move the hose for the toilet dump, some one caught on it was just draining into a rock filled hole and not a sewer system, he has 30 days to come up with a solution, most likely won't though - Hambone had a chili burger for lunch - good to get together with the boys.
No one seemed to notice - the clouds that day were just a bit odd - something different - must have been something else going on that no one mentioned the clouds - was the attention drawn away on purpose -did no one look up - no one seemed to notice the clouds that day.
Here comes Peter Cottontail - hopping down the bunny trail - Bye pastel Bye!!!

Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day!!! just another day in the life of the guy who makes up crossword puzzles, no great science he says just put together some up and down crossword looking grid, think it is now computer generated, and then start filling in the blanks using words that may or may not exist and clues that can only be deciphered by an eighty year old music history professor - a nine letter word for the town referred to in Mendelssohn's third concerto refrain? - lost me at nine, please keep the number of letters in these words to about four or five, standard American education words like 'pizza' or 'couch' - Geez, crossword puzzle guy, what is up with making me think outside of my little part of heaven here in... you know, this place. Starting today with a lovely brew, not too strong, not too thin, well maybe it is a little strong but who doesn't like to chew your first cup of coffee in the morning - gets you going boys!!! - found a new way to enjoy that first cup, just dip both index fingers in your cup and then massage a little coffee on to your temples while taking deep breaths and chanting an obscene mantra just a little too loud - doing this while standing in the middle of a Starbucks first thing in the morning really gets the blood going - it is a good way to explore the communities view of mental health - maybe I should write a book - anyway. What ever happened to Snuggies? Are they only a holiday sensation and for ten months forgotten? Genius idea - but if you think about it (and I think about Snuggies alot) I am not so sure if they were invented or found by mistake - really just a robe you wear backwards, right? I can so picture some stoner getting up in the morning, firing up a little KGB in the antique (1973) handle grip bong and as he walks out of the bedroom realizes he has put his robe on backwards - no I meant to do that, keeps me covered while cranked all the way back in my Laz-E-Boy - effin' genius - now just convince the U.S. that wearing a cheap flannel robe (in 27 colors and designs) backwards is the thing to do - yes, really wasn't that hard to convince them was it? where is my pet rock? Any news happening? Seems the Federal Government will be funded for a little longer now, good to see that they will be putting our tax dollars to use - if they hadn't come to some agreement and shut the government down would they have given me back the taxes I paid to run a government? just asking - count down to California earthquake, as predicted earlier there will be an earthquake of epic magnitude 6-8 weeks after the big Japanese quake, gives you a couple of weeks to move out of California, maybe move to Idaho and scare the s**t out of the good ol' boys, makes me giggle - weird time of year for sports, waiting for football season - celebrity news, no one in this room cares - anyway. Have not heard from Big Larry lately - strangely silent - he must be working or found a girlfriend with a job - a little money keeps him quiet for awhile but he will get bored with either source after a short time - he has a sweet deal working at the Stage Stop if he just stays away from the customers and remembers to wear the disposable plastic gloves while restocking the roller dog machine, contrary to common truck stop lore a little Quaker State does not enhance the taste of a roller dog - anyway. Name that song title, artist and album - "exit light, enter night, take my hand..." If you were give a million dollars today, how long would you have a million dollars? Bye, $ Bye!!!