Ramblings of an American Madman

Ramblings of an American Madman - Just another Day - just another day in the life of the guy that shreds the cabbage for your cole slaw, yes all of those $1.29 bags of pre-shredded cabbage in your grocers bagged salad selection, that is my occupation - you may think there are big companies behind all of that cabbage shredding, but no just me - don't get me wrong I have a hand crank shredder to speed up the process, not like I am sitting at the kitchen table with a knife shredding all that cabbage, five years ago maybe but now I have the German made Cabbage Shredder 7000, precisely shreds in 3 different sizes depending on the region and use (the south likes a finer cole slaw) - and now I even add in some carrots if that is how you roll with the slaw - Yes, I am the sole slaw shredder for the U.S. and central Canadian markets - you are right that I must be busy - 8 hours a day 5 days a week, shred shred shred - Thank God for the union or I would be working 8.25 or 8.5 hours a day, the people demand their slaw - and so it goes...

The day is starting out well - a bit early I agree but genius knows no hour, madness knows no hour or someone without a clock knows no hour - pick one - coffee is just as entertaining at 3:00am as it is at 7:00am - I expect there will be major nappage later today - is nappage a word? a pot of coffee in the middle of the night is bound to bring on a big crash sometime say mid-morning - count on it - even though today's java selection is a milder blend I make up for it by increasing the intake to compensate for the boldness - see, genius might be your pick - what do most people do at this time of day? what time does 'bucks open?

Most watched event in the history of television this week (no not the episode of American Pickers where they find the old oil can, reported to be worth $20) the Royal Wedding between the royal people and some other royal people or something, quite exciting because one of them might be the King of England some day, I vote for the guy to be the king, I think my vote counts - but seriously at least it was a good positive event involving romance instead of death and destruction - also everyone's favorite sport had its college draft start this week - Yes, American Football - must clarify that for my readers in 98% of the rest of the world that call the game of soccer "football", big court hearings and lockouts and such over what it is called, soccer or football, at least that is what I think the fuss is about, might be about greed - finally the world can take a huge collective breath and relax because our president dude produced a valid birth certificate, people were starting to freak but have you ever tried to get a copy of your birth certificate? takes years!

Tried to get ahold of Big Larry this week but not sure he gets half the messages I leave with the clerk at the Stage Stop - partly because she forgets to give it to him and partly because he doesn't show up sometimes for days - he might be in Nevada again, seems I remember something about a letter he received saying someone found one of his shoes he left down there - he does like his white Adidas high tops and you need two shoes to make a pair, right? Hambone wears rubber boots most of the time, remind me to get him some Gold Bond Extra Medicated.

It was the biggest thing to happen in town that day, seven birds walking in a row down Main Street. In a perfect row just walking right down the middle of Main Street. Cars pulled to the side, people stopped their busy day to watch, children smiled at the seven birds walking right down the middle of Main Street. It was the biggest thing to happen in town that day.

And when all of the coins are collected there will be no more coins - Bye foop Bye!!!